Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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