Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
