is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
