i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just tell him i said nine months
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize