Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
