They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
