I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
