grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
