At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
