Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
