My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
