Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
