I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we're so committed to being not committed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
