We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
