Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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