what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
