omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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