how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Boobs are out for the taking
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
