went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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