Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
