He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
