i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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