it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
