Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
