I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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