my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
do herpes really smell.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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