My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
