I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
