i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
