I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
