i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we're making bets on your personal life
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
