but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
