hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
