My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
