I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
