I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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