So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
