I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
