It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
