i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
