he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
