i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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