I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
