Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
