She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
