in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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