Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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