one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
