I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
