Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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