it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
