Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
