my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
