so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
