I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
