things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
