time to smoke my breakfast
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
