it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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