i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
