Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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