My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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