coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
