So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
