Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
