her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
