Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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