I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
