I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
