The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
jump out the window naked night went bad
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
