Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
