I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize