I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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