You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
