Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
