I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
