when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
