I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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