I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
and you fell through a lawn chair
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
