had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
