She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
