no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
