If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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