I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
