he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
