I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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