Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You are the jesus of drinking
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
