If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
two words...techno handjob
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
